Putting things up your arse can be very horny and a big turn-on. Hopefully, whatever is going up, will come out again. Here are a number of basic guidelines to help maximise the experience and minimise the risk of loss, infection or internal damage. Your arse is relatively delicate. You should treat it with respect and it is something that you will wish to keep in good condition for years to come both for sex and shitting.

All sorts of things can go in but not all of them come out as easily. Think about this before you do it. For example (and its not recommended): Putting an open-ended bottle up your arse will create a vacuum and it can get stuck when trying to pull it out. Glass objects can be particularly dangerous if they shatter inside the arse. Vibrators can slip very easily out of your hands and up an unsuspecting arse. Buzzing your way into an Accident and Emergency Department may have some novelty value but, if its not fished out immediately, it will go on and on and on until the batteries wear out. And you're 'in for bumpy ride' if you're using long life! Trying to retrieve light bulbs, apples, cock rings, and golf balls, at 3am in casualty ceases to be sexy after about two minutes. It can also be time consuming, dangerous and embarrassing. The bottom line is that anything you let go of may be difficult to grab hold of again as it gets sucked up your arse. Remember the only area that is touch sensitive is the first couple of inches so that's where you'll get the most out of it. The rectum is only sensitive to stretch. If you're new to assplay (and have never been fisted) playing with dildos is a great way of exploring your arse, knowing how it feels and where your limits are. It is always tempting to think that bigger is better and that only the Empire State Building up your jacksie will make you cum.

Whether it's a finger, cock, dildo or fist, the practicalities of what happens when they go into your arse are relatively similar. For the sake of this explanation imagine using a throbbing 7 inch cock (17cm). The bottom sphincter muscle needs to relax to allow the cock up the anal canal. Some of us find playing around with the arse or the crack of the arse (using perhaps your tongue or a finger) will help open up the entrance. Lubricant for this is not just essential, but also fun. The anal canal and rectum can stretch greatly but will contract automatically when pain occurs. If you're getting fucked, you ideally need to want it and draw it inside your arse. You can make this easier by 'pushing down' as if you are opening your arse to shit and its often very horny for both of you this way. With the cock just inside the rectum you can push it in and out just to this depth, rubbing and stimulating the anal canal which is touch sensitive.

Alternatively, you can take the cock further into the rectum to about 4-5 inches. Depending on how its angled, you can rub and stimulate the prostate gland, which sits on the other side of the rectum wall. There doesn't appear to be to be any particular reason why there are so many nerve endings in the prostate but it is a pretty good design feature! Combined with what's already going on in your anal canal, stimulating the prostate gland will encourage you to cum. This may be exactly what you want but you may also find that you cum too quickly. Taking the cock right up into the rectum will continue to stimulate the anal canal. With most of the 8 inches up the arse, the end will be near the top sphincter muscle (at the bottom of the sphincter muscle). If the cock pounds against it or hits some of the nerves around the bottom of the spinal cord this can cause considerable discomfort to the person being fucked. Again, the muscle needs to relax teased open by the action but never forced. An 8 inch cock will probably get through the top muscle but this of course depends on the build of the person and the fuck position.

Dildos are things you stick up your arse. Usually made of rubber compounds, they come in all shapes and sizes and you'd be as well to consider what you want to get out of their use before you buy one. For example, broader based dildos will tend to stretch and stimulate your anal canal. If you want to excite your prostate you'll probably need one that's longer and thinner. It is easier to keep hold of dildos with balls or a base. Butt plugs are smaller and stumpier but will stay in (until taken out) and will help keep your arse open. Fingers (albeit small) are in effect dildos and if you stick them up more than one arse (as with dildos or butt plugs) there is a risk of infection. If you're buying a dildo don't necessarily think big, you can always buy another one and prices can vary enormously, so on cost alone it's worth shopping around.

If you are sharing fingers, dildos or fists between arses or mouths (very possibly covered with traces of blood, cum, shit or piss) this can put you or your partner(s) at risk from HIV or other STD's. Generally, we don't cover our fingers when we put them up our own arse but they should be washed thoroughly if they are then going up anybody else's. The same applies if you finger someone else first and then want to finger yourself. Alternatively you can use a finger-cot (a condom for your finger) with a new cot used on each partner. If you are using condoms, your cock should only go up one arse with each condom. If there's more than one arse on offer, use a fresh condom. Similarly, if you're using gloves a new glove should be used with each partner. The same applies to dildos and toys. Getting into the habit of always using a condom on a dildo (whether you're by yourself or not) will also give you repeated opportunities to practice putting on and taking off condoms.

Sharp, hard or cold objects are much more likely to make your arse contract and cause damage. Better suited are flexible, smooth edged and warm dildos or dildo shaped objects. Glass objects tend to break or shatter under pressure, and for this reason it does not make sense to insert light bulbs, glasses or bottles. However, bruising or damage has usually more to do with the force with which dildos (or cocks) are inserted or removed, particularly if your sphincter muscle(s) are closed or are taken by surprise. If the dildo bangs into a muscle it contracts or tightens up making further penetration difficult. Apart from anything else - it fucking hurts! An example of this happening is when a guy shoves his cock up his mate's arse before the bottom sphincter has relaxed.

If you get something lost, it is sometimes possible to retrieve it before deciding whether you ought to go to an Accident and Emergency Department. Going back inside your arse may be more difficult as you'll probably be feeling stressed or worried which often means that your sphincter muscles will have tightened up. You need to relax, and use lots of lubricant. 'Tease' those muscles open gently and take your time. Alternatively you may be able to wait and shit it out naturally. However, if you're bleeding, or experiencing pain or discomfort: seek medical help immediately.

Whether you're playing with dildos or fisting, hands should be in a good condition. Skin should be unbroken and have no cuts, sores or abrasions. Fingernails should be clean, short, and filed to remove any rough edges. Cuticles (that's where your finger nails join your fingers) should be smooth and unbroken. You can soften rough hands and calluses with a moisturiser. However, oil based moisturisers on your hands then coming into contact with condoms may damage them and make them less effective against HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

You should wear gloves if your skin is broken or has cuts, sores or abrasions, or if cuticles are torn or split, or if fingernails are damaged, ragged or raw. This is because damaged or broken skin is more likely to provide routes for infection to get into the body. Blood, cum, and shit may be infected with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases like hepatitis, gonorrhoea, syphilis, and herpes.

Some would argue that in addition to the risk of HIV/STD's the use of dildos and fisting means that there is a gradual reduction in the elasticity and co-ordination of the sphincter muscles which can ultimately result in permanent damage. This can lead to problems in shitting and incontinence. Certainly there are men with arses the size of the Grand Canyon which may be the result of over use.

Others would argue that by taking sensible precautions we can reduce the risk of HIV/STD infection to an acceptable level. Like many other parts of our bodies, with practice and care, we can tone up and improve our sphincter muscle control. Furthermore, by gaining an understanding of our digestive system and the workings of our arse, we are better able to manage and care for them.

It's difficult to imagine us not using our arses for sex in some way. And so, in the absence of any clear information about the long-term effects of arseplay, the following guidelines are - admittedly - a compromise between over doing it and not doing it

• use your arse - don't abuse it
• treat your arse with care and respect listen to what your body has to say
• if in doubt - don't
• adopt good techniques in arse preparation and play
• don't do anything that causes pain or discomfort
• respond quickly to any problems or complications
• go for regular check-ups

During or after sex, you may see a 'little pink' in the lubricant. Some of us maintain that this is not unusual and that this is not necessarily a reason to stop, at least not immediately. However, it is important to make clear that physical damage has already been done. Furthermore, if gloves have not been used and your hands aren't in perfect condition, there could be a risk of HIV/STD transmission.

If the blood becomes thicker or darker in colour you should stop what you're doing. If there is pain, discomfort or continued blood loss, go to a doctor, a GUM/STD clinic or casualty immediately. Alternatively, you could phone your local police station who will know the nearest accident and emergency department, (no - you don't have to tell them what's happened!) It can sometimes be several hours before you realise that harm has been done. Indications that there is a problem may include a temperature, persistent pain or discomfort, sweating, feeling nauseous or weak.

If your partner ends up with most of your bowel lining in their hand, now is not the time to get out the Pritt stick and your Blue Peter annuals with their handy home repair hints.